Monday, July 19, 2010

i don't even know.

i'm gonna stop trying to find whatever i'm looking for. the seeking process isn't going anywhere good. i'm looking to find more meaning or more i don't even know, hence the title. but whatever it is i'm gonna stop. i'm going to focus on school, getting good grades, starting LSAT prep (its never too early), figuring out if i want to do a major switch or stick with lit, getting better study habits. i'm gonna focus on my friends and maintaining my relationships and making new ones, i'm gonna focus on my sorority and how to best serve my fellow adpi's and enjoy the company of some truly fantastic ladies. i'm gonna focus on immersing myself in the baylor culture and taking advantage of everything it has to offer. i'm not looking for any kind of romantic entanglements, i need to be on my own for a while and figure myself out. i guess i've been telling myself that i need to do this, but i'm going to do it.

its kind of scary to close off the romantic aspect of my life and try and not hope for the possibility of more, but its really what i need to do or i won't be the best me i can. it took me a long time to learn that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people. its a difficult choice for me, i always want to help everyone else with their problems. their problems i can help with, easy breezy, i'm happy to be there for them, if it means i don't have to be there for myself and can focus on someone else's issues. i'm a legit procrastinator in all aspects of life. i put off studying, exercising, dealing with logistics, getting things, done, dealing with my problems, sometimes eating if i'm too lazy to move, getting out of bed, getting to class, caring about my appearance, anything but sleep, i procrastinate. the time is now, at least for this problem. so here it goes, if you have in advice for being single without being lonely, i'm all ears.

on a side note, my princess Hute, my doggie has a hot spot, where she has an itch in her leg and can't stop chewing on it until its completely raw, which is obviously bad. so i spent the night downstairs with her on the couch making sure she didn't bite at the bandages. took her into the vet this morning and my poor precious baby has to have a cone for 5 days. my mom couldn't stand to put her in the plastic one, so she went and bought and inflatable one that isn't so encompassing and looks like those neck pillows that people use on airplanes. poor baby its so hot outside.

hope you're having a relaxing break! i'm so excited that i move in to my apartment in one month!!! i can't wait to be back at baylor.

taking things a day at a time.

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