Thursday, February 25, 2010

oy with the poodles already.

it is currently 2:09 in the morning. i have currently done 2.9 pages out of my 5 page paper due exactly 11 hours and 51 minutes from now. I was inspired to do this in two parts. first, julie and julia. don't worry, i have no idea how to cook and even if i did my 12x15 dorm room doesn't allow for a lot of whisking and what not. second, i was just on one of my sororities sister's facebook in a continuous effort to avoid my paper and saw that she had one. I read through it and was hit with the realization that this could be a great outlet...even if no one reads it, which is totally what i'm predicting. so here I am, eyes drooping, back aching, deciding to start something new.

for those of you who don't know me here's the deal: i'm a mess. on the outside, on paper even, I look pretty legit. I know what I want to do with my life at a ripe age of nineteen, and have the plans to get there. I make good grades, am in a sorority, have great friends, an unceasingly generous and loving family, a precious dog, Hute, and more blessings than I can count. I'm generally the group clown and delight in making never ending witticisms such as, "that's what she said," and "your face." my mom is so proud. to the outside world i'm Brenna the confident kid always on the run always doing something goofy.

on the inside: i'm a 19 year with generalized anxiety disorder, functional dyspepsia, and a sleeping disorder. Everyday is a struggle. It takes hard work to even get to act stupid around my friends, let alone get through homework at a decent hour, hence my blogging at 2 in the morning. i'm tired. incredibly tired. more tired that people probably realize. because of this it's very hard for me to be moderately productive. this includes even being able to function and get to class. on top of that, when i'm not functioning due to lack of sleep, I worry about being able to do my assignments, get good grades, do my laundry, not go crazy with the science experiment gone wrong of a 12x15 room shared by 2 college freshman with a bunch of stuff, not bug my wonderful roommate with all of these stupid problems, and the list goes on and on. I get through everyday hanging on a thread and am in reality nothing like people see me as on the outside.

i'm kinda gonna use this to be just me. and as i'm anticipating that i will be only one reading it...thats fine with me.

Paper calls.

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